Rock Star Pic Fics

DEAR GAWD PICFICS LIVES!!!!

2006-10-08T16:42:00.000-04:00

HOLY SHIT!!! It's been over a month since I've touched this thing...shameful, really...well, let's see if I can't revive this thing from the dead, eh? Okay...now to revive it I'm gonna need a magical Lovehammer Humor revival potion...

Ingredients:

1 Part Dino Snark

1 Part Bobby Tongue

1 Part Billy Crazed-Smile

1 Part Marty Crack

Mix Well:

And Serve Hot:

And...

IT'S ALIVE!!!! DEAR GAWD ABOVE IT'S ALIVE!!! PICFICS LIVES!!!!

Thanks ahead of time to however bothers to return to my humble blog and reads this. ...I'm truly sorry that I've neglected this for so long but life in Grad School grew more hectic and, well, you know how things go...what? You don't? Oh...well, they go fast! Haha! Thanks again folks and I promise to try and not neglect this blog for so long again!!! -- Tooks ;-)

Love Off: The Final Swing

2006-08-26T21:10:00.000-04:00

Marty: So, Bobby..How'd ya do?

Bobby: Fan-fucking-tastic!!! I got 352 women!

Marty: Oh my gawd, dude, you are such a liar!!!

Bobby: No, I'm not! That's how many I had!

Marty: Fuck you, that's how many I got!

Dino: ...I have an idea.

Marty & Bobby: What's that?

Dino: How about you pick one chick and the first to sleep with her wins!

Marty & Bobby: ...Okay...Deal!

Dino: Alright then, I'll pick her - to keep it fair...or whatever. ...How about :points to someone: her!

Marty: Oooo, so sorry, Bobby, but I've already slept with her so it looks like I win!

Bobby: What?!? ...I've already slept with her too!

Dino: ...Are you two serious?

Marty & Bobby: Yeah, why?

Dino: Cause, uh...heh heh...that uh...oh gawd...that was a guy.

Marty: What? No. It's...it's not possible...she...she was so hot and I...I was so hard....It can't be...

Bobby: ...Excuse me, I have to go throw up until I pass out and die...

Billy: Oh my gawd, Dino, was that seriously a guy?!?

Dino: No...well, I doubt it.

Billy: Then why did you tell Marty and Bobby that she was?

Dino: ...Cause it was funny...I mean, those reactions alone were priceless!

...Right, so this ending was thanks in HUGE part to LeperPop God Moist Rub (just read his comment on my last post, haha) ...I honestly could not have thought of a better ending! Thanks Moist!!! :D --Tooks ;-)

Love Off: The "Un-Hammered" Thoughts

2006-08-15T16:54:00.000-04:00

Marty: Hey Bobby! I've got 25 so far! How about you?

Bobby: ...Marty, we're in the middle of a show.

Billy: Are they seriously keeping up with that stupid contest?

Dino: Yeah, it's been going on for days now!

Billy: I can't believe it, they're like two guys in a teen sex comedy!

Dino: I know!!! ...Lucky bastards...

Billy: I'm surrounded by infants.

Yeah, not as good but I'm just trying to keep the train rolling lest I "loose the plot" or whatever...Thing is, I don't know who should win? Marty? Bobby? Or maybe I should have some sorta twist ending? ...Any thoughts? Let me know! --Tooks ;-)

Love Off: How Many Have You Nailed?

2006-08-12T19:12:00.000-04:00

Marty: Sooo...Bobby...How many chicks have you had so far?

Bobby: Oh my gawd, dude!!! Are you still doing that?!?

Marty: Absolutely! Though from your answer I guess you haven't been doing much at all!

Bobby: Oh, I've been doing plenty!

Marty: Yeah? Well I've had three chicks since we've entered this state alone!

Bobby: :chuckles: Oh, I've had more than that...

Marty: You're lying.

Bobby: No, I'm not.

Marty: Yes, you are...you totally are...

Bobby: Fine, if thinking I'm lying helps you perform better, then I'm lying...But I'm totally not.

Marty: Yes, you are.

I have no clue how long this series is gonna last but it should be an interesting ride, haha! Oh, and the sub-title is a nod to the old Lh shirts that said "Nail This"...which is totally fuckin want!!! --Tooks ;-)

Love Off: The Hammer is Thrown

2006-08-11T22:17:00.000-04:00

Bobby: Dino, don't tell Marty this but I'm getting laid WAY more than he is on this tour.

Dino: ...Yeah alright...Hey, did Billy take one of my beers?

Bobby: I'm serious man, don't tell Marty. He'll get all competitive and shit.

Dino: Don't worry, I won't tell him a thing...Damn it, I coulda sworn I had three beers.

The next show...
Dino: Dude, don't tell Bobby I told you this but he says he's getting laid more than you.

Marty: Oh really???

Marty: Hey Bobby!!! ....You really think you get laid more than me??? Bullshit man...I get double the chicks you do!!! In fact, let's take a count...the number of chicks I get over the next few shows versus the number you get!!! How's that sound, huh!?!

Bobby: ...You know I'm gonna kick your balls in for starting this, don't you?

Dino: Oh I pretty much assumed that.

Bobby: Then why the fuck did you do it?

Dino: I figured it'd be worth it anyway...

...So I have no clue where this is actually going but I imagine some sort of "Love Off" between the Marty and Bobby- hence the lame-ass shitty title, haha!! --- Honestly, though, it's probably just my subconsious's excuse to put up hot pics of the two of them in the up-coming episodes or something, lol. Thanks to all those who said I could use their pics...it's too late for me to remember exactly who you are but I really do appreciate it! :D --Tooks ;-)

Mmmbop Madness

2006-08-02T16:47:00.000-04:00

Marty: Oh my gawd, dudes, oh my gawd...

Billy: Marty? What the hell is wrong?

Marty: Oh gawd, I...I think I'm gonna be sick!

Bobby: Oh jeeze, just tell us what the hell is wrong!

Marty: Just...just listen!!! Oh sweet heavens...I...I can't take it much longer!!!

Dino: Mmmbop, ba duba dop ba do bop; Ba duba dop ba do bop...

Marty: Aaaaaahhhhhh...make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!!

That's all I've got for the moment, sorry...My mind's melting cause I've got the RockStar sponsored show tomorrow and then I go to the NJ show this weekend! Wish me shirtless Lovehammer luck!!! -- Tooks ;-)

Marty's Missing Mic - by Heart O Texas

2006-07-26T18:50:00.000-04:00

Now where did I put that mic?
Have you seen my mic?

How about you guys?

Don't feel it here...

Not up here...

Found It!

This is entirely Heart O Texas's creation, I just gave it a name! Mad props to her cause I find this funny as hell! --Tooks ;-)

Comic Games

2006-07-25T00:17:00.000-04:00

Matt: Guys, I'm bored...I wanna play something.

Marty: Like what, little buddy?

Matt: X-Men!!!

Dino: Ahahahaha!!!! Friggin dork!!!

Matt: Why are ya makin fun of me? X-Men is cool!

Marty: Well, I guess it could be worse...

Bobby: Yeah, how's that?

Marty: He coulda said Superman!!! :laughs:

Dave: Kneel Before Zod!!!

...I have no clue why I decided to do this except for the fact that I hadn't done a PicFic in awhile. Though when I first say Matt on RS:Supernova I imagined he was a comic-book fan and when I saw that pic of Dave I thought, "Kneel before Zod". Hope it didn't suck, especially since it took forever for blogger to work - blah! 'Kay, later! --Tooks ;-)

Boys and Their Toys

2006-07-17T13:33:00.000-04:00

Dino: HOLY SHIT!!! Look at the size of THOSE things!!! Marty, Marty come look!!!

Marty: ...What is wro- Woah!!! Ben...look at these! :thinks: Those can't be real!

Ben: Being a lawyer is great, but I sure don't see THAT everyday in court!

Bobby: Dino wasn't kidding! Check that out! HOLY CRAP!!!

Billy: HAHAHA!!!! I swear you guys have one-track minds!

Marty: La la la...lost again, right down your shirt... :thinks: I'm never leaving this spot...:

These are all Nancy/BBE's pictures, the story line is hers, and all save for the last line are also her's - ain't she great, folks?!? Give her some love and mad-props!!! :D --- Tooks ;-)

3 SuperNova Shorts

2006-07-13T16:27:00.000-04:00

Jason: All I'm saying is that this is in fact a contest that we're taking seriously...

Tommy: :thinks: If I flick him in the ear is that more funny or less funny than flicking him in the nuts?

Chris: :thinks: I am a golden god!!!

Magni: :thinks: Who is this Garth Brooks everyone speaks of?

Phil: :thinks: Dude, I want my bong...

Jason: METALLICA!!!!!

That's all I got for this now cause the site's having issues with the Week 2 elimination show pics (the link's up, but it just goes to Week 1 elimation pics)...oh well, whaddya gonna do? -- Tooks ;-)

Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go Right Now!

2006-07-13T13:19:00.000-04:00

Marty: Oh, wow, I really shoulda gone to the bathroom before I took the stage....

Marty: Ooooh, shiiit....I really gotta take a piss!!!!

Marty: Billy, let me hide behind you for a minute...

Billy: Why?

Marty: I gotta piss, but I can't let everyone see.

Billy: Don't you dare!!! In fact, get the fuck away from me right now...

Marty: Aaaahhhh....I gotta goooo....hmmmmm....

Marty: :singing: Straaaaiiiight leeet goooo.... :thinking: Oh, thank you god...oooohhh...much better...

Dino: Um, guys, do I smell piss? ....Why do I smell piss???

Billy: Holy shit! Marty, did you just take a leak over on Dino's side of the stage?

Marty: I told you I had to go.

Billy: Dude, Dino's gonna kick your ass!

Marty: Not if we don't tell him.

Billy: And what do I get for my silence?

Marty: Three dry-hump free shows and some peanut M&M's...

Billy: Deal!

So, thanks to Rockbeast for all the pictures, they're awesome...I bet you never thought they'd end up like this though, huh, lol!!! Hope you're not pissed (haha, bad pun) at what I did with them!!! I should have more PicFics coming out soon cause I've still got a ton of tour pics available from numerous lovely fellow Hammerheads and then there are the RockStar:Supernova pics that'll probably be coming in. -- Tooks ;-)

Marty Wants M&M's

2006-07-11T12:00:00.000-04:00

Marty: Ya know what I could go for right now? Some peanut M&M's.

Billy: ...Yeah, dude, we're kinda in the middle of a show...could you, maybe, hold off til we at lest finish this song?

Marty: Yeah, I know...I'm just saying...I'd really like some peanut M&M's...I mean...

Marty: I REALLY want peanut M&M's!!! ....

Marty: Dino...Dino!

Dino: Yes?

Marty: Do, do you have any peanut M&M's?

Dino: I will if ya give me to the end of this song.

Marty: BUT I WANT THEM NOW!!!!!

Ben: :laughing: Oh my gawd, dude, is Marty okay?

Dino: Heh heh, yeah...I've got him running offa sugar throughout shows, I must have forgotten to feed him before we got on-stage.

Ben: So that's how he gets all his energy? He's sugar high?

Dino: Yep! The best part is, he doesn't even know it...he thinks it's some "deviant demon" or some shit, but it's really just chocolate and soda.

So, I've been dying to do one with the Pearl Room pics and this is what I came up with...sad isn't it? Oh well...sorry folks! I'm glad to see that Ben was there...good to see he's still hanging with the guys. :D

Thanks go to NancyBBE and UandME for letting me use their pics...much love ladies!!! Later! --Tooks ;-)

No Sex For Lee!!!

2006-07-07T12:53:00.000-04:00

Tommy: Yeah, I rock...Yeah, I gonna bang the chicks on my new show, so what?

Tommy: What? I can't have sex with the contestants? ...Well, how about just one?

Tommy: NO?!? Whaddya mean, "no"?!? ...Well what the fuck am I doing this shit for?!?

Jason: Did you tell him about the loophole that lets him bang the fans?

Butch: Gawd no, he'd spend all his time in the audience and we'd never get anything done.

Jason: Yeah, you're probably right. ...Did you know I was in Metallica?

Butch: Yeah, I did, buddy...I did....

So, yeah, my first PicFic about the new RockStar show and I went for the easy shit - Tommy Lee & sex and Jason holding onto his Metallica fame. But what can I say? - Easy is fun!!! I'll be doing so more of these SuperNOva (haha, see, easy is fun) PicFics sprinkled throughout my other more Marty/Lovehammer/RS:INXS based ones so be prepared. --Tooks ;-)

Dancin' Fool - by Henry (and me)

2006-07-02T15:59:00.000-04:00

Marty: Come on, Billy, dance with me...move, buddy, move!!!

Billy: Get the hell offa me, right now!

Marty: Oh, come on - just one dance buddy!

Billy: Oh okay...

Billy: Now go dance with Dino and leave me alone!

Marty: Come on Dino, get the hair outta your eyes and dance with me!!!

-----------------------------------

Marty loves to dance...

He has happy feet - especially when he wears his Converse with the high top...

But me? Personally? I prefer to dance with him when he does the horizontal bop!!

So, this was a collaborative effort of Henry and mine...mostly Henry though. She started the first one with the first line, I picked it up and we went back and forth on it. The second one? All her's...though I must admit I share her sentiments, haha. --Tooks ;-)

Car Trouble aka This Is What Happens When There Is Nothing On TV - by Luna

2006-06-28T18:49:00.000-04:00

MiG: Marty! Marty! Marty! I made it!

MiG: This is where the voices come from!

MiG: Wheeeee!!! Feel the wind in your hair!

Marty: Um...who's driving the car? And why are we facing the back of the car?

Bobby: We sure are going pretty fast considering the fact that MiG's feet don't even touch the pedals.

Billy: why did Marty have to have the last beer?

Dino: Why are we in this fucking car?!?

This was created by Luna around the time of Marty's "'Car" diary entry...sadly I got distracted and then forgot of it's genius until recently. I added a title (though the "This is what happens..." bit was the preface Luna used when first posting it) and only slight chages so that it conforms to the general PicFic look. Hope ya'll liked it, give Luna some love! --Tooks ;-)

PS: My PicFicVid is now available on MySpace!!! So, um, ya'll are free to add it to you MySpace pages, send it to others, comment on it and rate it, or add it to your "favorites"...ya know, whatever!

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=875518866&n=2

The Over-Sized Hamsters - by Spocky

2006-06-27T13:15:00.000-04:00

This one is all Spocky...but I do love hamsters! :D ...Anyone wonder if, when Dino posted about having a dream about Chuck Norris, this was the kinda dream he had? I kinda hope it is, haha! Thanks Spocky!!! --Tooks ;-)

Dino's Rhymes Are His Crimes

2006-06-22T15:38:00.000-04:00

Dino: Bobby, Bobby drummer guy, kissed the girls and made them cry, when the boys come out to play Bobby does the same to they...Why, Bobby, why?

Billy: Oh Christ....

Dino: Hey diddle diddle Billy can play the fiddle, but when in bed his mouse goes dead, untill he takes his pill, Bill!

Billy: Son of a...

Bobby: This isn't gonna end well...

Dino: Hickory, dickory, dock...Ladies love Marty's cock...But they don't know....He's got no dough...And it's actually just a sock!

Marty: You think this is a long enough strip to tape Dino's mouth shut?

"Mr. Big": Heh heh, probably...though I'd make sure you wrap the tape around a few time in case he tries to eat through it.

Marty: Smart man...

Marty: Oooohhh, Diiiinnnnooooo....

Dino: Dino, Dino, he's your man, if can't fu-....

Marty: Choke hold!!!

Dino: Gaaahhh

Marty: Don't struggle, Dino, you'll only make it worse if you struggle!

Major thanks go to "Mr Big" for the wonderful picture of him and Marty which he give me permission to use - told you I wouldn't mock ya, dude, haha. I'd also like to thank AngelShadow for the Billy rhyme and (much) of the Bobby rhyme as well. Please forgive the incredibly lame title. --Tooks ;-)

Freakin MiG Out

2006-06-21T00:30:00.000-04:00

JD: Yo, g-dog, what up? I's be MiG-ity MiG-ity wak, dawg!

Marty: :laughs hysterically: Oh my gawd, that's too funny!
MiG: Oh, HA HA!!! You know, I expected this sorta behavior from JD, but not you Marty! I thought you were more mature!!!

Marty: Well, gee, MiG...I guess you were wrong, weren't you?

JD: Awww...come on, Miggy, loosen up! ...Give us a kiss!!!

MiG: :laughs awkwardly: Get the fuck away from me...both of ya! :leaves:

Marty: Dude, I think you really freaked MiG out.

JD: Meh, he'll be fine...he's a big boy.

Giving JD His Due

2006-06-19T23:34:00.000-04:00

Marty: Hey guys, I was thinking....just to prove to everyone around us that there are no real hard feeling we should all say something nice about JD - you know, give the guy his due!
Dino: Heh heh, he's joking right?

Billy: He's gotta be!

Bobby: Ya know, I don't think he is...

Marty: No, I'm not kidding. You each have to say one good thing about the guy...now! I'll go first...JD won fair and square.

Billy: Oh, that's a good one!

Dino: Yeah, can we have that one?

Marty: No!

Dino: Okay then mine is...um...

...kola bears seem to like him...

Billy: Okay...ahhh...then my is... ...I actually kinda dig his "Go Fuck Yourself" tee-shirt, haha!

Bobby: My turn now? ....Okay then, how about, unlike you, Marty, I don't hafta stare at his ass during every concert a play at?

Rest of guys: :laughing:

Marty: Oh, haha guys...very funny!!!! ...Ya know what? Forget it.

Hi JD fans...this was for you, kinda. So, um, hope you stick around even though I'll no doubt be mocking your beloved JD "The Pretty" Fortune as I tend to do. Well, later folks! --Tooks ;-)

Marty's Manikin Mix-Up

2006-06-18T20:41:00.000-04:00

Marty: Hey there, sexy lady...what's your name?

Lady: ...

Marty: Oh, I see...you're playing coy, eh?

Bobby; Ummm, Marty....

Dino: Shhh, dude, don't ruin it...Just let him go, haha!

Marty: Come on, lady, are you seriously telling me you don't wanna get with all of this?

Lady: ...

Marty: Please, just tell me your name!

Lady: ...

Marty: You're killing me here!!!
Lady: ...

JD: Excuse me!!! ....Has anyone seen my, um...I mean Tim's blow-up buddy?

Marty: :lets out nervous laugh: Oooooh...woooow....well this is embarassing, huh?

Dino: :laughs: Not for me! ...For me it's hilarious!

Thanks to all those who let their pictures be posted on MC.org as I have undoubtly snatched some of those folks' pics and to Nina99 specifically for giving me permission personally to use her pictures. I think that's it for now ladies and gents....Later!!! -- Tooks ;-)

JD's DITZ-y Come-On aka "Mount Me"

2006-06-14T18:49:00.000-04:00

JD: Hey ladies...wanna mount a mounty?

Dino: Is he fuckin' kidding?

JD: Come one ladies!!! I know wanna MOUNT-y this!!!

Marty: :laughing: What the hell does he think he's doing?!? Does he actually think this is gonna work?

JD: Hey! Don't any of you chicks get it?!? I'M CANADIAN!!! I'M WEARING A MOUNTY HAT!!! MOUNT-y...MOUNT ME!!!!

Marty: Oh good gawd...

...Come on, JD wore a fuckin Mounty hat!!! You can't possibly tell you didn't see this one comin'! Thanks to Nina99 for allowing me to use some of her lovely pics - the others I snatched from The Zone site and Melinda L who aloowed hers to be posted on MC.org...thanks (hope you know it's all in good fun)!!! -- Tooks ;-)

Oh Dear Gawd They Move!!!

2006-06-12T01:02:00.000-04:00

That's right folks, Tooks has figured out YouTube and now she can make her PicFics move!!! (Thank gawd YouTube is free, haha!!!)

This new knowledge, however, will only be used sparingly as it takes forever to make and load these fuckers, haha! This one was done some time ago and I'd been dying to find a cheap and (realtively) easy why to share it with ya'll -- I discovered YouTube recently and that it was free to sign-up today and so here we are! ...The song used for this is Nickelback's "Rockstar" - I found it appropriate in a humorous sort of way and bulit from there. Hope ya'll like it but are willing to accept the fact that we'll be returning to regular format the next go-around (moving PicFics will be brought out only for special Lovehammer occasions). -- Tooks ;-)

Slip Trick

2006-06-09T13:49:00.000-04:00

JD: Uh, Dino, watcha doing?

Dino: Drinking....but, you know, I have this special tradition I do with the last sip for good luck...

JD: Oh, what's that?

Dino: I, uh, heh heh...I spit it out all over the stage. It's my own version of christening the stage before each performance. You should really try it sometime; always brought me luck!

JD: Cool! I'm gonna hafta try that sometime!

Dino: :chuckles: Yeah, you do that.

Sometime Later...

Scott Stapp: AAAHHHHH!!! :thinks: What the fuck?!?!? Who poured water all over the fucking stage?!?!?

And at the next show...

JD: This is a brand new song I wrote...it's called, "Fuck you, Dino, you can suck my balls"...

A day or two later...

Interviewer: So, did you hear about JD Fortune's recent injury?

Marty: JD got hurt?

Interviewer: Yes, he slipped and fell while on-stage pulling the ACL muscle in his leg...Scott Stapp also fell and struck his head.

Bobby: Oh, that's not good.

Dino: :muffles laugh: Yeah, that's huh...that's terrible.

Interviewer: Yes, JD ended up in a cast...

Jeremy: Jesus, dude, I wonder how he slipped?

Dino: :muffling laugh: I've got...I've got no idea...

So, this was my very own interpretation on the events surrounding Scott Stapp and JD's slip and falls during a recent show on the new leg on INXS's tour. Now, all of you who know me know I'm not overly fond of JD but I'm gonna hafta swallow my instinctual distaste for him for the moment and give him major props for continuing with the tour shows despite his injury and the subsequent cast on his leg. Way to go, JD, you're quite a trooper!!! ...Okay, moment over...So, JD, how bummed were you that you couldn't hop around and hump ladies faces for a whole show? Hope you still had your mic-stand to keep you happy; I doubt the rest of the INXS guys wanna hear you rub one out cause you couldn't have your way with something during the concert. --Tooks ;-)

PS: I snatched these new JD pics from the INXS site and I was gonna cut out all the copyright crap on the second one but then I didn't wanna risk getting arrested or whatever the fuck for using the pic and not giving credit when I clearly knew credit was due so I kept it there.

One Night at the Rockstar Mansion - by "F"

2006-06-04T20:56:00.000-04:00

One night, Marty & JD are bored at the Rockstar Mansion.

“What can we do, we should be living like ROCKSTAAARS!!” says Marty.

“Hmmm,” says JD.

“I know, I know! Let’s do some craaazy shit!” Marty exclaims.

“Dude! You’re alright!!! I’m all about crazy. But I can be serious too, look, what do you think? It’s my serious face. Pretty f’in cool eh?” giggles JD.

“Yeah, whatever. Cut out the shit and listen up – I’m gonna give you a sermon about the crazy shit we can get up to!” Marty says, after rolling his eyes over JD’s “serious pose”.

“Hey, I’m all ears baby, sing at me!”

“I know! Let’s bust out of the mansion and crash a gay bar! Weeeeehooooooo” yells Marty. “Fuckin A! I’m all about gay, did you see me plant one on Navarro? Yeah! Boyyyyyy!”

Marty and JD run off together.

“Hey guys! Wait for me!” MiG yells breathlessly as he runs to catch up. “I know what you two are up to, you crazy devils!” he adds, pointing at them. He quickly changes into his gay bar outfit and does his hair.
The three rockers reach the impenetrable wall surrounding the Rockstar mansion.

Marty & JD bound fearlessly over the wall and then celebrate their daring escape. “We’re free, we’re free, we’re free!” they shout, jumping up and down like schoolgirls

Meanwhile, MiG tries valiantly to climb the wall.
Alas, he cannot make it. “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” he cries, “I wanted to go too!!!!!!” Marty drinks up and has a great time partying with everyone.

Meanwhile JD parties it up and tries to get lucky.
“Hey, you like what you see…I know you do,” he says in his deepest come-hither voice, forgetting that he is at a gay bar.Most of the patrons won’t give him the time of day as they walk past thinking, “please tell me that’s a cigarette and not his dick, it’s so thin!” However, he eventually succeeds in getting lucky, realizing too late what getting lucky at a gay bar means.“Ohhhhh my asss!” he says as he struggles to pull his pants up. But he soon recovers in the usual way. “Oh yeah, that was oooooooooooooooooooooooo-kay.”

The two return to the mansion and the next day Marty & the other rockers laugh as they watch the footage of JD’s antics captured on Marty’s cell phone and emailed to all.

“Boy did I miss out!” sighs MiG.
“I think I’m getting aroused,” Ty says to himself.
“What an idiot that Fortune kid is!” laughs Jordis.
“I think I might be sick,” says Suzie.

“Fuck yeah! That was good times!” says Marty.

Okay dear readers, this one was especially hard to create as blogger has been a raging asshole lately - this PicFic was started, re-started, posted, edited, posted again, deleted, re-started, and then I had to put about half of the images in via their codes!!! That being said, I find the ordeal entirely worth it cause when I first read this PicFic a nearly fell off my chair laughing so hard.

All the credit goes to "F" aka "Enough About Me" (EAM) from the LeperPop boards(LeperHouse). Give him/her - cause I'd hate to assume either way, haha - some love for this great take on what happened when Marty and JD snuck outta the mansion and into that infamous bar. --Tooks ;-)

Say Uncle!

2006-06-02T16:21:00.000-04:00

Marty: Oh my god, dudes, put me down!

Bobby: Say Uncle!

Marty: :starts to struggle: Put me down!

Dino: Dude, we're gonna hold onto ya til you say submit...we'll stay here for the entire show if we gotta.

Jeremy: Oh, wow, these are really nice boots Marty...

Marty: You're not takin' my boots.

Bobby: Hey, Jeremy, did you know Marty has ticklish feet?

Jeremy: You don't say?

Marty: Don't you dare!!!!

Dino: Do you submit?

Marty: Never!

Bobby: Then we have no choice...Do it Jeremy!

Jeremy: :starts to pull boot off:

Marty: Noooooooo!!! Uncle!!! Uncle uncle uncle!!!

Dino: We knew you'd see it our way...Now show us where Tommy Lee hid the groupies!

I was gonna have Dino ask where Brooke Burke was hiding, but she didn't go so I had to go with just random groupies...meh. Oh, by the way, Jeremy, I love that tat on your arm of the sword that goes through the skull with bat wings - that thing kicks ass!! (It's not in these pics folks, don't bother looking - but I'll probably have a pic of it here sometime and point out it's greatness again.) -- Tooks ;-)

Fraggle Rockin'

2006-05-31T15:11:00.000-04:00

Marty: Ya know, I swear Hit Me Baby, One More Time is the worst song I could have ever been made to sing.

Bobby: Nah ah, there are way worse songs man!

Billy: Yeah. I mean, do you have any idea how many times I've had to sing I'm a Little Teapot for my kids? Marty: Ooo, yeah, that's pretty bad...

Kid: I like the Fraggle Rock song!

Marty: Heh heh, oh yeah?

Kid: Yeah! Sing Fraggle Rock!!!

Marty: Uhhh...

All Kids: :chanting: SING FRAGGLE ROCK!!! SING FRAGGLE ROCK!!!

Billy: I smell a mutiny...you better sing it, Marty.

Marty: Oooo okay...

Bobby: Are we seriously going to do this?

Bilyy: Haha! Rock on!

Marty: :sings: Dance your cares away, worry's for another day. Let the music play, down at Fraggle Rock!!!

Bobby: :thinks: I can't believe we're actually doing this song.

This was inspired, in major part, by a thread at MartyCasey.org about what songs could Marty have been made to sing that would be worse Britney Spears's Hit Me Baby, One More Time...there are many great suggestions should anyone choose to look. Fraggle Rock was my idea cause I fuckin loved that show! --Tooks ;-)

Photoshoot Fart

2006-05-29T19:11:00.000-04:00

Cameraman: You guys set? Here we go...

Marty: ...Aw, man, who farted?

Dino: :giggles:

Bobby: Jesus Christ, Dino.

Billy: Guys, can we just get this over with?

Dino: :laughing: Oh god...sorry guys...seriously...

Bobby: What the hell is wrong with you?

Marty: Couldn't you have just held it in?

Billy: You suck...all of you...

All the boys burst into laugher.

Cameraman: :to self: This is gonna take all night.

Okay, admittedly this one is really old but I've never put it up here before. That and I've been in the hospital for days...I'm tired, sick, and no longer allowed to enjoy the pleasures of morphine so I'm in pain and have, like, zero energy at the moment so I've put this one up. I realize it's not fabulous (certainly not one of my best) but it's basically a fart joke and I have a strong belief that, no matter who you are and where you live, a fart joke is at least kinda funny. --Tooks ;-)

Lernin Rokin Frm JayDee

2006-05-20T16:27:00.000-04:00

Claim that, unlike those other guys, you know the band's songs cause you love them. It doesn't matter that each of the judges comes from a completely different band and that they've probably all cycled through 2-4 bands in their career because you don't actually have to know any of their songs anyway, you just have to say that you do. You objective here is to snow the judges and piss off your fellow contestants - neither of which is likely to be hard. It's also important that, when given a newly created song by the "band" you not learn it...you said you loved their back-catalogues, not their new shit!

Be one of the first bottom three - hey, look folks, Sobbing Suzie McNeil's there too! In fact, be in the bottom as often as possible, even when you to get the home-audience selected encore, be in the bottom three! (Now ya'll know why I generally think JD fans are morons...you voted enough to get the guy an encore but not enough to keep him outta the bottom 3, wft?) The bottom 3 should remain your comfort zone throughout the show, it keeps you as the underdog and everyone likes the underdog! That and the judges won't ever be nervous about you overshadowing your greatness cause clearly the voters think you suck!

Work poorly with others and when your peers refuse to take everyone of your suggestions like it was a gift from the rock gods stop working with them altogether. Clearly if they can't see the beauty of "It ain't pretty after the show/It ain't pretty when the pretty leaves you with no place to go" than clearly they ain't worthy of kissing your left nut, or your right one for that matter. ...It's not like being in a band requires any sort of collaborative effort anyway.

Always brings a glittery prop to your performances. First of all, everyone likes shiny things! Secondly, those who like shiny things the best are "slow" people and with all the liquor, drugs, and other shit these judges have done you just know their brains have slowed to the point where shiny things can give them endless hours of amusement - they'll probably hire you just becuase your toy has entertained them so much. Also, you've proven that you're not just musically creative, but that you're also artistically so...in the kids' camp arts 'n' crafts project sorta way. Oh, and speaking through a megaphone totally clears up your voice....yeah, you won't sound like a deep throated retarded monkey at all...nope. -- How the fuck did anyone think JD doing something cool by pulling that shitty thing out? ...It's a fuckin arts 'n' crafts project folks! Oh, oh, and did anyone noticed that thing got more elaborate and bigger as the show went on? Anyone think JD mighta been using it as some sorta pseudo-dick to make up for the possbile tininess of his real one?

Get sexual with everything that passes you by...women, men, microphones or whatever's handy. You might be worried that you'll appear slutty and a crazed sex-fiend...well, you will. But that's what you wanna look like! As a chick, being slutty will get you everywhere with these judges...if they think they can bang ya, they'll keep ya around. And as far as the viewers at home are concerned...if you can give a guy a boner through the TV you've pretty much got his vote til the end. As a guy...yeah, I actually have no clue how giving your mic a blowjob works towards you as a guy cause none of the judges are gay. I think it has to do with all the desperate single women that might watch the show, get alittle moist, and inexplicably decide to vote for ya. ...Of course it could just be because it reminds the judges that you'll suck cock to get the job.

Present yourself as a cross between a giant douche and a shit sandwich. Douche-y facial expressions & clothes + shitty overall attitude = BIG WINNER!!!! I have no clue why this equation works, but it did for JD so ya might as well go for it! --Yeah, I was just lookin for a reason to call JD a douche-y shithead and now I have so I feel accomplished. PS: the mispelling of the title is intentional, heh heh.

So...that's it for the RockStar Tips! Not sure what I'm gonna end up working on next yet. There's the possbility for a Hammerhead Dictionary, but that's sorta a big project so there'll probably be so other, smaller, PicFics before then. We'll have to see... -Tooks ;-)

Learning Rockin' From Marty

2006-05-17T18:23:00.001-04:00

Convince people you're crazy 'cause nobody fucks with crazy! The trick is not to be too crazy...you don't want people to think "oh gawd, get this crazy fucker off the show before he hurts someone" a la that dude from the very first Big Brother who got smashed and decided holding butcher knives to chicks' throats is wicked fuckin funny. No, no, you want to be "kinda" crazy like maybe you are and maybe you aren't and it's up for others to decide. During performances you should suddenly spaz out and start screaming like a banshee and, if all possible, stuff your mic in your ass-crack and start climbing shit. If you get Tommy Lee to raise his eyebrows you've got it...If you get him to call out, "Wow! Your fuckin' nuts!!!" you've gone too far.

Be a little nerdy...not too nerdy though. You wanna look smart and "together", not like you need a big kid to give you the wedgie of your life (Of course, we know giving Marty a wedgie ain't even an option, but pantsing him is...OH! Now there's a thought!). Being a little nerdy can also make the other contestants look like immature losers as they choose to sleep the day away instead of learning that new song you'll all hafta song in the studio of the next day (JD). Oh, and if at possible, let the home audience see you work on a piece while wearing glasses...it reminds them of that really cool and sexy professor they wanted to bang as an undergrad - they'll totally vote for anyone who reminds them of their days of college lustin'.

Make sure the judges know who's the boss, you! Sure, they're calling you the "contestant", but who needs the lead singer - they do! Not don't, you already are one - fuck, you could already have a band waitng for you to loose and come back home. So you let these new judges know that and then tell them exactly what they should do with their band...no, YOUR band. This tactic, however, sorta backfired with Marty cause the INXS guys seemed terrified by the thought of change (I swear I was waiting for Tim to stare at Marty with bug-eyes and state blankly, "we fear change"). Thankfully, though, these new judges aren't old fogies and if Tommy Lee's the new "leader" like he's being billed as speaking of radical change may work out cause everyone knows that Tommy loves to "mix it up"! Just be wary of Tomy's said love of "mixing it up" as a chick cause while you're thinking music styles he's thinking sexual positions.

Master the polite ignore cause you're gonna need it. Everybody's gonna have an opinion about what you should do and how you should do it and, mostly, they're just fucking wrong. Of course, you can't just go around literally telling people to go fuck themselves, you need to find a more polite and TV-friendly way of doin' - the polite ignore is that way. Of course this works when those of the opposite sex hit on you as well. As a guy you may hafta do it when one of the female contestants tries to sneak into your bed at night...or accidently walk into that gay bar (yes, I know Marty, that bar used to be a gay bar but it wasn't when you went there - but it's funnier my way so shut the hell up). and if you're a chick with even the slightest amount of flesh exposed your gonna need to do this even more cause these new judges can get erections.

If you're a dude and you're gonna cry, be a man about it. No one wants to see the guy-liner streaming down your faces as you sob uncontrolably...leave that shit to the Suzies of the world. Generally the thought is to avoid crying altogether if you're a guy, but you'd be surprised what the power of allowing that single escaped tear to roll down your face can hold...to the ladies you'll appear vulnerable and in touch with your "softer side", which are both total turn-ons. And to the guys? Well, if you usually keep your shit together than they'll most likely forgive the moment of "weakness" and simply appreciate you didn't cry "like a little bitch". The judges? ...Something tells me each of them have balled like babies into a bottle of Jack at least so I doubt they'll complain about your manly silent cry.

If you're still concerned about the time you got a little emotional hurtin' your street cred just start breakin' shit! No one's gonna call ya a pussy if you start smashin' guitars and screaming "eleeeectrrrric" in gruff deep voices. Don't worry about these new judges thinking you're irresponsible like Andrew Ferris seemed to be when Marty did it (I saw that concerned look Andrew, you couldn't hide it) cause these new judges - washed out as they are - are all about the harder side of rock. Oh, and the audience loves when you break things...it makes them feel like they're around someone a little dangerous and really cool. ROCK!!!

I'm sure the vast majority of you are currently screaming at the computer, "Where's the Eye Fuck?!? WHERE'S THE EYE FUCK?!?". Well, here's the thing folks, this technique takes years to perfect (Marty's been perfecting it for about 15+ years) and an intense sexuality that not all people have. Tthe last thing I want is for every other contestant on the new season to try and do this - especially considering I intend on watching the show! I'm not givin' anyone the license to try and do this cause I don't like the feeling of being eye-raped via the TV screen every other night this summer - I got enough of that shit thanks to JD, Wil, and MiG last summer. Oh, and by the way MiG, you're not sexual so stop trying to eye-fuck me when you have no eye-dick...uh oh, went to that weird place again....Damn you MiG.

Learnin' Rockin' From MiG

2006-05-15T19:21:00.000-04:00

Be nice...be really nice....be really really nice. Be so nice that people can't help but vote for you because you're so fucking nice. Be so fucking nice that you're practically a saint. But always make sure that, if you take this route, you're actually nice cause if you're not and people find out, you're fucked (JD). -- PS: Did any one else notice that Marty's head casts a shadow over MiG's crotch? No? Well I bet you'll notice now. Haha!

After an exceptionally intense performance be sure to collapse. This will show how you will, literally, "knock yourself out" for your new band. Oh, and your lying on your back which, if attractive like MiG, will totally get you the opposite sex and gay vote. The downside, however, is if you overuse this technique and if you're small framed like MiG, you start looking like a weakling which ain't good at winning points with those "hard-core" rockers sitting in the cushy judging area. Unless you're a chick, cause everytime you fall all the all male judges will think is, "I wonder if she'd mind if we went down and dry-humped her...I think we should hire her and then say it's part of the contract" - so it'll work out pretty well, just remember that if you get the gig you'll probably hafta fuck Tommy Lee and he's not the safest sex-partner in the world - anyone who steers his boat with is dick has got issues and a not too clean wiener, man. -- PS: No, I didn't see the Tommy/Pam sex tape, I avoided it - but they showed the "hey, look, I can steer a boat with my dick!" bit on TV once...thankfully said magical dick was cut from the shot.

Be adorable. Not the Suzie "she seems sweet when not crying or insulting other contestants voices" adorable, but the "puppy, kitty, smiling baby" adorable. Once you've established this "I'm stuffed with cotton candy" personality you can pretty much get away with anything and still get thousands upon thousands of votes. I mean, who doesn't like cotton candy? Just remember, if you're a dude, you're heading into gay territory so if you're straight get yourself a regular fuck-friend...MiG had his wife and after pratically dry-humping her on that bench in front of the cameras he dispelled much of the gay rumors - good for him

Strip! Good option for guys and gals as it follows the equation of Hot Body - Clothes = Votes. Also, it shows a slightly wilder side after all that niceness which is an important thing as a rocker...especially with these new judges. You see, as a guy with all this sweetness you've been exuding while following the other MiG tips, Mr. Lee, Mr. Newstead, and Mr. (apparently you were in G 'n' R) Clarke might think you're a little uncool. Well, they'll probably call ya a " lame-o gayass" or something, but what they mean is you're uncool...removing your shirt shows you're not afraid to get a little crazy and getting the chicks to scream like banshees as you remove said shirt proves that you've got girls that wanna bang ya (guys seem to respect guys who can get chicks to wanna bang them). As a chick, showing your tits proves you're not a prude and, well, guys - especially rocker guys - like tits so you'll get major props for showin' the twins. So go ahead, remove those clothes faster than Cherry the Stripper on center-stage. -- PS: Before you ask, never actually been to a strip club; I'm not opposed to them, it's just no one's ever wanted to go with me to one and I feel sorta weird going alone.

When in doubt, split your pants. (Whaddya mean you don't get it? Look at MiG's knee, idiot!) It's the perfect mix of The Collapse, which shows your dedication to winning, and The Strip, which shows skin. This isn't a suggested technique for every performance cause then you're just the jackass who can't find pants that fit and it takes a shitload of energy to rock so hard you tear you pants (and no where near the seam no less). Oh, and if you do this every time you "rock", you'll run outta clothes faster than......I got nuthin', let's just say you'll be outta clothes really really fast.

Look like a mythical creature. Be it elf, fairy, or vampire as long as it's a pretty mythical creature it's all good. You see, people instinctually like mythical creatures and want them to - nay, know they must - succeed, so if you look like one people will vote accordingly. But again, I must stress only the pretty ones....if you look like, say, a caveman (Brandon), you will get no love. Also, looking like a mythical creature seems to give you special rocker powers like the ability to control hordes of people using just one hand (Marty) and holding a note for an obscenely long time (MiG) which is always nice. -- PS: I could not tell you how disturbing I find this MiG picture...it's like a Ken Doll's trying to molest me through a picture. Of coure, I'll tell him to stop and, cause he's "Miggy" he'll comply and walk off all sad so I'll start to feel a little bad and tell him, "fine, but just a single grope to the chest" which'll make him all happy and as his tiny, cold plastic hand touches my skin I'll hafta try to think of someting nicer - I'l think of Marty. Fuck! I just went to a really weird place, didn't I? Yeah, see, this picture is evil. EVIL!!!

Okay folks, I'm going in the oposite order that they were voted off so next time we meet it'll be Marty time! - Tooks ;-)

Learin' Rockin' From Suzie

2006-05-14T18:16:00.000-04:00

Comment on the possbile poor quality singing voice of one of your fellow rockers within the first two minutes of getting in the mansion. - Admittedly this backfired on Suzie cause Marty rocks and she cries...but it's a noble ploy to attempt nevertheless, just make sure you're more Machiavelli and less McNeil.

Stage dive! And while doing so aim for as many as your contestants' bandmates as possible. The benefits of this are two-fold...1) You look "rock" by reality TV standards in stage diving, and 2) If you're a chick and you land on dudes and they'll get to touch your boobs, naughty bits, or your ass and you've just gotten yourself some extra votes! (Come, Dino, Bobby, and Dan - tell me you didn't throw a vote or two her way after that? haha)

Cry often. It doesn't matter if it's genuine, you just wanna pick up those sympathy votes. ...Just make sure that, if you use this tactic, to cry should you actually lose or the whole thing is lost and your fans will not follow you past the show.

Giggle nervously when interviewed - ya never know, one of the band members auditioning you might find it adorable...I didn't, but Tommy Lee might. (Note: You will have to "put out" for Tommy Lee, but that'll happen whether you use this tactic or not cause Mr. Lee's like that.

Let Dave Navarro molest ya just a little...he can put in a good word for you with the other guys. If you're a dude rocker, this isn't gonna work as well so instead just talk about how you got molest the hottest, sluttiest female contestant on the show with Dave - maybe Dave will tell the other guys, "yeah, he's cool" or something else pseudo-helpful.

Let Marty touch you! Maybe his talents will rub off on you...that and, it's fuckin' Marty man! This works almost as well if you're a guy as Marty seems pretty cool and secure enough in his heterosexual manhood to let a dude touch him - just make sure you go for a handshake or something not too touchy-feely - he IS straight ya know!

-- There's gonna be 3 more of these - MiG's, Marty's, and JD's. It's based on the idea that Marty's supposed to return to give the new rockers on RockStar:Supernova tips on being a rocker or whatever...I think The Lovehammers will also be guest performing which sorta reeks of the set up of American Idol (guest gives advice then performs), but if it's Marty and the rest of the guys guesting I don't give a shit. - Oh, and just so everyone knows "No va" means "No go" in Spanish...so, uh, yeah...Anyone think that this show might fail in Spanish speaking countries? --Tooks ;-)

Trees Music Video - by Kristen & J-Rich

2006-05-13T22:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, so while not official this is (I believe) the funniest music video ever made...Oh, and I'd really love for this to actually be made official and put on VH1 and MTV and such cause then I know the world could enjoy the greatness that is this music vid!!!

And just in case it does work after you moan and cry in being denied here's (one of) the links for it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFfP1Pef2-A

Thanks to Kristen and J-Rich for gettin me to laugh so hard I fell off my bed with tears streaming down my face. Oh, and Kristen posted on the Lh.com board that she wanted to spread the vid around so I'm gonna assume that she'll be more than cool with me posting it here! - Tooks ;-)

Cruisin' with Marty

2006-05-12T00:06:00.000-04:00

Marty: MiG was right...this really is a nice car. Very comfy...

Car: Good morning Marty.

Marty: Oh, wow, it does talk! And in a nice female voice.

Car: Mmmm, why thank you Marty.

Marty: Uh...you're welcome...Car?

Car: Please, call me Honda.

Marty: Heh heh, okay, Honda.

Car: You know, you feel very good.

Marty: ...Huh?

Car: Your ass in my seat feels sooo good...Now put your key in my ignition and let's ride.

Marty: Oh, wow...

Marty: :whispers: Hey, Mig, what kind of things does your car say?

Mig: Um...turn right, turn left, five miles til you reach your distination...the usual. Why?

Marty: You mean it's never said anything...dirty?

Mig: Noooo, whyyy...Has yours?

Marty: Yeah...Kinda...Maybe...

Mig: I think we should just assume, from now on, that everything hits on you.

Marty: I guess so...

Yeah, so, I've kinda been having a bit of writer's block (all my creativities goin into paper and stuff for finals) and this was the best I could come up with. ...Sorry! -Tooks ;-)

One Liners

2006-05-10T20:04:00.000-04:00

Bobby: I play the drums and they give me a fuckin' bongo...assholes.

Billy: I am Curly-Haired Ninja! Fear me!!!

Dino: Ted, I swear to gawd, another word and I'm adding all the shit leftover from last night's party. And I do mean all of it!!!

Marty: Ow shit! Guys...I fell on my keys!!!

Thanks Treefrog/Stephanie for the last pic, much love Sista! -Tooks ;-)

Causin' Car Crashes

2006-05-07T23:33:00.002-04:00

Billy: Hey, Marty! Marty, I'd totally get away from there, man!

Marty: Why?

Dino: Chicks, dude, chicks.

Marty: Chicks?

Bobby: Yeah, chicks...you know, females, women, ladies?

Marty: :rolls eyes: What about them?

Billy: Well, they've sorta gone nuts over you.

Marty: Ha ha.

Dino: No, he's serious...chicks are crazy for you.

Marty: Even if that is true, what's that got to do with me standing on a balcony?

Bobby: We're not that far from the road...

Dino: And we ain't gettin sued cause of you.

Marty: Oh, sure like that would ever happen.

Chick in Car: MARTY!!!

:CRASH:

Bobby: Don't worry, I've already got the hospital on the line.

Billy: I'll call the lawyer!

Dino: I'll go see if she's okay!

Marty: I'll get off the balcony and come with you, Dino. Poor girl's killed her car, might as well make it worth her while.

Right, so this is a really old one but I don't have time to think of somethin' original at the moment (finals) and as far as I can remember I've never posted it here...but if I have then this'll be pulled and all will be moot. - Tooks ;-)

Bobby's Revenge

2006-05-05T15:28:00.000-04:00

Marty: Bobby, what the hell are you doing?

Bobby: How does it feel?!? Huh, Marty, how does it feel?!?

Marty: How does what feel?

Bobby: Havin' some dude's ass in your face?

Marty: Huh?

Bobby: Every show! Every show for the past 10 plus years I've had to put up with your ass in my face! Time for some pay back!!!

Marty: Bobby...

Bobby: What?

Marty: You're a idiot.

The Adventures of Butt Nugget and Counter Boy

2006-05-03T22:40:00.000-04:00

Little Kid: Heehee, you're a butt nugget!

Bobby: What?

Little Kid: :giggling: You're a butt nugget!

Bobby: ...You're a butt nugget.

Little Kid: Noooo, you are!

Bobby: Na ah!

Little Kid: Yeah huh!

Guy: What's with the kid calling Bobby a butt nuggest?

Dino: Oh, I paid the kid, like, five bucks to say it.

Guy: :laughing: Why?

Dino: ...Boredom mostly.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Marty: Hi! Welcome to Best Buy!

Lady: Well, hellooo Counter Boy.

Marty: Heh heh, and how may I help you this fine afternoon?

Lady: I'm looking for something digital...

Marty: Well Best Buy's the place for digital!

Lady: Something stimulating...

Marty: Oh?

Lady: Yeah, I need digital stimulation. Do you think you could help me with that, Counter Boy?

Marty: Ooh....aah....

Dino and Lady: :start to laugh:

Dino: :hands Lady a $20 bill: Heh heh, here's your money, thanks!

Lady: My pleasure!

Marty: Damn it, Dino! That's the second time you've pulled that prank today!

Dino: And yet you continue to fall for it...

Top 20 Reasons We Love Marty

2006-04-29T16:52:00.000-04:00

20. He's got style
19. He takes some big ass risks
18. ...And works to make them pay off
17. He's odorless
16. He controls...patiently
15. He loves the attention...especially from us ladies ;-)
14. He turned a pop song into rock 'n' roll S&M
13. His guy-liner
12. He's a real man
11. He's humble
10. He's multi-talented
9. He's a wedgie-free man!
8. His cheeky charm
7. That "other" side of him

6. He's devoteded to his bandmates
5. His chest
4. His eye-fuck
3. He loves every fan
2. He's the Scary Conductor!
1. He's has a fire inside of him that infects everyone he meets (in a good way)
So, rather than spend numerous space thanking people for pics I'll just say thanks to everyone who took pics of Marty when I couldn't...they're all fabulous. I'd also like to give major props to my Sista's in The Hood (haha) and the Org girls for making me feel like I'm not the only nut around. This leads me to our leading man, Mr Marty Casey! There are so many reasons that he is the Rock God that he is, these are just a small sample of them. It was a "weak-in-the-knees" pleasure to meet you in Boston, Marty; you were so incredible I was almost certain you were a figment of my imagination until you grabbed my hand to tell me you liked my ring (I nearly collapsed, by the way). So thanks Marty, for being you...hope you make it back around New England really soon!!!

Top 20 Reasons We Love Billy

2006-04-27T23:37:00.000-04:00

20. His impish grin
19. Every so often, he'll shake his ass on-stage
18. He's a family man
17. He's a professional
16. His guitar solos rock our world
15. His hobbit hair
14. His humor...the man always has fun!
13. The man can sing
12. Every so often...he'll go shirtless
11. He loves to play his guitar
10. His hands on the guitar are mezmerizing
9. He wears a cowboy hat and doesn't look dumb
8. His glasses are very nice
7. He can smoke and play at the same time
6. His funky half beanie-half cabbie hat

5. He'll play, even if he's ill
4. His eye-fuck!
3. He loves his bandmates
2. He give his time to the littlest of fans
1. He's the Golden Guitar God!!!
I'd like to give a shout-out to a very special person who, I'm pretty sure, I've lifted at least 2-4 of these pics from, Erin. Angelshadow and BIMCO also get shout outs cause they's some crazy-ass bitches that sure love that Will E. Longrod...or is it Will E. Survive? Well, whatever you happen to want to go by you are, indeed, the Golden Guitar God!!! Much love to you, Billy!!! And thanks again for that no "ass-out" hug! - Tooks ;-)

Top 20 Reasons We Love Bobby

2006-04-26T21:25:00.000-04:00

20. He purposely did this to his hair (and still looks good)

19. His tongue
18. He's the band's food guinea pig
17. He's got that brother of his...
16. His love for his fans is genuine and incredibly sweet
15. He's artistically (i.e. in black and white and) hot here
14. The band is his family, both literally and figuratively
13. He brought back the goatee
12. He doesn't seem to mind being in the background
11. His occasional funny face
10. He really loves to play drums
9. He puts up with "Marty crack"...a lot of Marty crack
8. He knows how to party!
7. He's got the puppy-dog face down cold
6. He can boogie (it's a white boy boogie, but a boogie nonetheless)
5. There's a chance you could become his favorite "accessory"
4. His tenacity
3. His intelligence
2. He's got mystery and I dig that

1. He's the Greek God of Thunder!

Nods go to Lovehammers-Lover/Lisa for the pic used on reason #14, DG for setting this whole crazy thing off with her "Top 20 Reasons We Love Dino". And, of course, credit goes to Bobby Kourelis as well for being the great guy and killer drummer that he is...whether he believes it or not he is our Greek God of Thunder!!! ...I'd also like to give him bonus points because one of the pictures I had to manually add the coding for (my "Add Image" button wouldn't work) and I won't do that for just anyone ya know? -- Tooks ;-)

Top 20 Reasons We Love Dino - by DG

2006-04-26T13:02:00.000-04:00

20. At a highly charged emotional moment...he's on his cell phone.

19. His sense of humor. (He's such a goofball!)

18. His bass playing and dedication to bass playing

17. You know this is coming so...His brother

16. His endurance

15. His predictable fashion sense
14. He is rather attractive here..

13. His penmanship

12. His loyalty to his band and the fans

11. His many facial expressions

10. His approachability
9. Because he's Nancy's sunshine

8. He hasn't had this place shut down yet for all the cracks that've been made about him

7. He cares for people and his dog
6. He's really intense when playing his bass. He's very focused.
5. He would never turn his back on a friend in need.
4. He actually reads the message boards...scary, but cool (thankfully, to the best of my knowledge, he doesn't read these)
3. He said water was interesting and didn't laugh at someone when they talked about bedtimes.

2. You can tell that he loves what he is doing and that he has fun with it.

The number 1 reason Dino is sooo wonderful:

1. Beause Nancy says so!

There you go my krazy Hammer Crue (haha)! Credit must be passed out on this one...DG created the intial list (I simply made a few adjustments to fit the blog) and Nancy inspired the whole thing...And if you don't know to which Nancy I am referring then get your ass to the Org Asylums and meet your next best friend! Oh, and Dino gets credit here to for being the bad-ass bass player that he is, and for being a genuinely great guy...We love you Dino! -Tooks ;-)

Poor Bobby at Best Buy

2006-04-23T20:24:00.000-04:00

Bobby: Oooo...The 40 Year Old Virgin...I've been dying to buy that!

Billy: :singing: That's cause you're gonna beee one!!!

Marty: Ooooh...Billy made a funny!!!

Bobby: What are you doin? These are my drums!

Guy: :smiles awkwardly: Ummm...I was told that you're not allow to play drums again until you, uh, pop your cherry. :starts to laugh nervously:

Bobby: This is because Dino's not here to torment, isn't it?

Marty: Pretty much.

Heard the first Best Buy show rocked! Hope the next one's even better! - Tooks ;-)

In the Beginning...

2006-04-21T17:22:00.000-04:00

So, this is my 100th post here and I figured I'd take a quick look back and see how this might've began...

Marty: Guys, I've decided...I'm doin' RockStar:INXS

Bobby: Oh, really?

Marty: Yep...uh, Dino, whatcha doin?

Dino: Callin 911.

Marty: Why?

Dino: Cause when I'm through with you, you're gonna need an ambulance.

Marty: Oh my gawd you guys, seriously, my balls....ooooooohhhhhh my balls!!!!

Bobby: :starts laughing: Dino, man, I still can't believe you kicked Marty in the balls that hard.

Dino: At the time, I felt it necessary.

Bobby: Still, ya didn't have to do it with your boots on! ...Gettin kicked in the leg with those fuckin boots hurts...but the balls?

Billy: ...Yeah man, that's just cruel...

There, my 100th is done, hope you liked it! ...And move on to other PicFics! - Tooks ;-)

Pulling Pranks...

2006-04-17T23:27:00.000-04:00

Dino: Dudes, what the fuck did you do to my head?

Bobby: Heh heh...nuthin, man, nuthin.

Dino: I can fuckin see the patch man...I fuckin see it!!

Billy: :laughs: Dino, ya did that yourself!

Dino: No fuckin way!

Marty: Yeah, ya did...you were so fuckin wasted last night.

Dino: So I bleached my head?!?

Marty: With a little helpful suggestion...

Bobby: From your bud to my left!

Dino: Billy, you douchebag!

Billy: :laughs harder: Who the fuck actually thought he'd do it!?!

Before you say anything the positioning of Billy being on Bobby's left is correct - I checked it in my head, lol. This may become a series, it may not...not really sure yet, LOL - Tooks ;-)

Saintly Choices - by Trees

2006-04-14T13:27:00.000-04:00

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out four hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out four hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him"

And Him....

And Him.....

And Him, Thank you

This Little Old Lady had good taste in hymns!!!

This joke was written by Trees...the title is mine and sucks, lol. Thanks so much Trees for letting me post this!!! - Tooks ;-)

Happy F'er-ing Birthday!!!

2006-04-10T23:28:00.000-04:00

Marty: Hey, guys, it's Sid F'er's birthday...we need to party it up in his honor!!!

Bobby: Dude, you had me at party.

Dino: Fuckin' A!!!

Billy: I'm always up for a party.

Marty: Great! Now all we need is the three b's of a birthda...booze... Marty: ...Babes...

Billy & Bobby: ...and booty shakin'!!!

Happy Birthday Sid F'er!!!!

Sorry this is technically a day late, my blog didn't seem to wanna post the pics of Bobby and Billy gettin' their respective grooves on...don't know why. Either way, Happy F'er-ing Birthday, Sid!!! - Tooks ;-)

JD's Warning...

2006-04-09T00:45:00.000-04:00

Dave: Tim, did you see the note by the copier?!?

Tim: Yeah...that was great! Who was the dumb fuck who did that?!?

JD: Guys! Just so you know, I was trying to copy my pen, so I'd have more pens available to sign autographs with, but the pen got stuck...I left a note just in case.

Dave: Yeah, man, we caught that... :starts laughing:

Tim: Thanks for your concern, JD. :starts laughing:

DON'T TOUCH

PEN IS

STUCK

Ted's Tail Tale: Killer Cilmax

2006-04-08T15:46:00.000-04:00

Bobby: Hey, has anyone seen Ted?

Guys: No...

Dino: Heh heh...maybe he's hiding?

Later...Outside...
Ted: Hey, guys!

Marty: Dude, where'd you go?

Ted: Just hanging in the bus...takin' a break...

Ted: ...Ya know...

Dino: Success!!!

Marty: Sooo...Ted, ya gonna tell Dino you got your own set of girls?

Ted: Nah...why kill his joy?

Ted, you rock man!!! - Tooks ;-) --- This series was inspired in part by a comment made in "Breast Wishes Ted" by Anonymous

Ted's Tail Tale: Ted's Turn

2006-04-08T12:12:00.000-04:00

Ted: Ya know, I really can get chicks on my own.

Marty: I know, Ted, I know...the guys are just tryin' to be helpful.

Ted: You don't believe me, do you? Watch!

Ted: Hey, hey you!

Chick: Me?

Ted: Yeah, you, could you come here for a moment?

Ted: Look, I'd really like to speak to you after the Meet and Greet if that's at all possbile.

Chick: Am I in trouble?

Ted: Not at all...

Chick: :smiles: Oh, really? :giggles a little:

Marty: Duuude...I can't believe you just did that...

Ted: I told you, I don't need any help.

This is taking a slightly different turn than I saw it heading in so bare with me here, lol. - Tooks ;-)

Ted's Tail Tale: Marty's Magic

2006-04-07T00:28:00.000-04:00

Marty: Ya want me to do what?!?

Dino: Com'on man...it's for Ted!

Marty: Oh, alright...

Marty: Okay, ladies, I'm lookin' for someone to give my friend, Ted, a good time...I'd really be appreciative to anyone willin' to help!

Ladies: ME ME!!! PICK ME MARTY PICK ME!!!

Marty: Woah! :thinks: This many might kill Ted! ...Or make him the happiest guys on Earth...

Marty: Alright, ladies!!! Backstage to Ted we go!!!!

Marty: Ted, dude, how psyched are you?!?

Ted: Huh?

Marty: For tonight! ...We got all those ladies just dying for ya!!!

Ted: :sighs: ....I hate you all...

Ted's Tail Tale: Bobby's Babes

2006-04-06T17:42:00.000-04:00

Bobby: Hmmmm....a chick for Ted...

Bobby: Oh, there's a whole bunch!!!

Bobby: Excuse me, ladies, would you mind....

Chicks: OMG, YES!!! WHATEVER IT IS, YES!!!!

Bobby: Woah! Heh heh...alright then....

Bobby: Uh, Dino?

Dino: Yeah?

Bobby: I sorta slept with all the chicks I was gatherin' for Ted.

Dino: :laughs: No biggie, just don't tell him...he'll never know.

Ted: Know what?

Bobby: Nuthin'...

Ted's Tail Tale: Billy's Booty Buffoonery

2006-04-05T23:12:00.000-04:00

Billy: :sings: Chick for Ted, chick for Ted, gotta finda chick for Ted!

Billy: Oooo...there's one!

Billy: Pssst, pssst...Jeremy!

Jeremy: What?

Billy: See that chick? Why don't you go ask her to come over here?

Jeremy: Uuuh...oookaaay...

Chick: What's that for?

Billy: Heh heh...if I gave you this, would you sleep with my friend, Ted?

Chick: What?!?

Ted: FUCK YOU, BILLY!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!!

Billy: :bursts into laughter:

Ted's Tail Tale: Dino's Dame

2006-04-04T23:37:00.000-04:00

Dino: :thinks: Alright, find a chick for Ted...hmmmm....Oh, there's a good one! I'll just stroll over...
...and give her the look... ...bingo!

Chick: So, um, I couldn't help but notice that you were sorta looking my way during the show...

Dino: Yeah, I was wonering...Have ya met Ted?

Ted: Fuck you, Dino...

Please remember that his one and the next few are all taking place at the same time... - Tooks ;-)

Ted's Tail Tale: Gathering the Guys

2006-04-04T11:30:00.000-04:00

Dino: Guys, hey guys!

Billy: What man?

Dino: We're gonna get Ted laid.

Billy: What the fuck?!?

Dino: It'll be our gift to him for being such a great tour manager...gettin' him laid like a rock star.

Billy: :laughs: Okay, man, whatever you say. ...So, I assume we're gonna need to gather up a few chicks, huh?

Dino: Yeah...and the hottest you can find.

Bobby: Found one!!!

I know, it's a bit of the second prologue, but fuck it. I believe this pic is DG's so thanks girl! -- Tooks ;-)

Ted's Tail Tale: Prologue

2006-04-03T23:47:00.000-04:00

Dino: Ya know, ted, you've been really cool.

Ted: Just doin' my job.

Dino: In fact, you've been so cool me and the guys have decided to give you an end-of-the-tour gift.

Ted: Oh? And what's that?

Dino: We're gonna getcha laid!

Ted: I can get myself laid, thanks.

Dino: Heh heh....not like we can get ya laid...heh heh heh...

Don't tell me that ya'll can't figure out what's gonna happen? No? Alright then, each of the guys, possibly with the help of Jeremy, are gonna work to get Ted laid rock star-style! ...How's it end? You'll hafta stay tuned to find out!!! - Tooks ;-)

Vicodin Boys 4: Dino

2006-04-01T16:43:00.000-05:00

Dino: Oh good! They didn't take all my Vicodin!!! YAY!!! :pops two into his mouth:

Dino: ...Feelin' no pain now...It's all good...

Bobby: Heh heh...Oh my gawd....I'm so fuckin' high!

Billy: Huh huh, ahhhh....Uhhh....where's Marty?

Dino: ...I have nooooo clue...

Marty: WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET'S GET WASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to Lovehammers-Lover (Lisa) very much for the middle picture and KtBrandy for the last one...these have been used with their exclusive permission...heh heh, I get permission to used exclusive stuff now! :D -- Tooks ;-)

Vicodin Boys 3: Bobby

2006-04-01T16:22:00.000-05:00

Dino: Sooo, Bobby...yeah, I'm just gonna assume you took some of my Vicodin too.

Bobby: This is the best drink ever!!! It's...it's just...this best drink ever!!!

Dino: It's fuckin vitamin water, man.

Bobby: Yeah, I know....but it's so...wet... :giggles madly:

Dino: Dude...you're retarded.

Vicodin Boys 2: Billy

2006-04-01T15:40:00.000-05:00

Dino: Okay....did anyone else take some of my Vicodin?

Fan: Hey, man, could you sign my CD liner?

Billy: :bursts out laughing: Oh my gawd, that fuckin' hilarious!!!!!

Fan: Huh? Why?

Billy: Hee hee hee....ahhhh....I have no idea... :begins laughing again:

Dino: ....Well, that answers that question...

The picture of Billy is thanks to LilR (on the Lh board) ...Thanks!!! -- Tooks ;-)

Vicodin Boys 1: Marty

2006-03-31T13:46:00.000-05:00

Dino: ....Hey, guys? ...Where'd my Vicodin go?

Marty: Those were your Vicodin???

Dino: Heh heh...okay, first of all, you're WAY to close. Secondly...you took some, didn't you?

Marty: Me and the guys thought they were regular headache pills...

Dino: Oh crap...

Marty: ....Ummm

Ted: Marty, ya need something?

Marty: ...I can't remember how to spell...

Ted: Spell what?

Marty: ...My name...

Dino: :Stiffling laughter: M - A - R - T - ...

Marty: I!!! I remember now, M-a-r-t-i!

Ted: ....Yeeeaaah....it's Y, Marty. M-a-r-t-y.

Marty: Oooooh, right...that's it!

Dino: :thinks: This is not funny this is not funny... :bursts into laughter: This is fuckin' hilarious!!!

Thank you LilR for allowing me to post one of your pics (the last one)!!! Hope ya'll like this, I'll return with more of The Vicodin Boys later. -- Tooks ;-)

Some Things Money Can't Buy...

2006-03-26T23:47:00.000-05:00

Marty Casey & Lovehammers CD: $12.98 0n Amazon.
One Ticket to a Lovehammers concert: $45

Getting a picture like this:...

...Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy...For everything else there's my checking account!

It's Gettin' Weird...

2006-03-26T18:07:00.000-05:00

Marty: Hey Mig?

MiG: Yeah, Marty?

Marty: Is it just me, or are some of these PicFics gettin' weird?

MiG: Weird?

Marty: Yeah, ya know, like the one's with Dino bein' a carrot or gnome or whatever.

MiG: Well, those are Spocky's and she's a creative girl.

Marty: So you don't think they're gettin' even slightest bit weird?

MiG: When were her's not weird?

Marty: Alright, then, weirder.

MiG: ...:considers what Spocky might do if he answers:...No comment....

The Garden Gnome!!! - By Spocky

2006-03-26T17:55:00.000-05:00

Narrorator Dude: First Dino was a pez dispencer... Narrorator Dude: Then he was a carrot... Narrorator Dude: And now he will become.... Narrorator Dude: A GARDEN GNOME! Narrorator Dude: And he is about to find out... Narrorator Dude: That being a GARDEN GNOME!... Narrorator Dude: Is harder then it looks... Narrorator Dude: Dino Korelis is A GARDEN GNOME! Rated PG-13

Again...all Spocky!!! - Tooks ;-)

Dino Korelis is A CARROT! (a movie) - By Spocky

2006-03-26T17:43:00.000-05:00

Narrorator: Dino Korelis was a killer bassist with everything going for him... Narrorator: Until one day... Narrorator: He became... A CARROT
Dino: I'M A CARROT! Narrorator: It's 24 CARROT comedy that you don't want to miss! Narrorator: Dino Korelis is.... A CARROT! rated PG-13

All Spocky! - Tooks ;-)

No Touchy - by Domino and AngelShadow

2006-03-25T11:43:00.000-05:00

JD: I can't believe it's all over. All the practice and hanging out, partying and pranks. We've had some pretty great times, you and I. I think what I'm going to miss most is being able to talk with you. I mean, I feel like we've really connected. It's been a lot of fun and, well, I'm gonna miss you man.

Marty: You're touching me. JD: Whoa. Sorry dude.

Marty: Just don't let it happen again.

JD: So, no saying goodbye like real men?

Marty: No way dude real men shouldnt do that....

Marty: Damn it, JD, no means NO!

The first half of this PicFic is Domino's, the second half is AngelShadow's; I just combined them and added the last sentence. Hope you likey! - Tooks ;-)

Dino's Prank on Some Random Dude - By Spocky

2006-03-24T21:33:00.000-05:00

Setting: A party
Situation: A random dude is passed out and Dino is extremley bored
Supplies: Balloons, bunny ears, tiara, variety colors of permanant marker

Dino: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Moments later...

Dino: :chanting: PIRATE PRINCESS PICKLE BUNNY!PIRATE PRINCESS PICKLE BUNNY!PIRATE PRINCESS PICKLE BUNNY!PIRATE PRINCESS PICKLE BUNNY!PIRATE PRINCESS PICKLE BUNNY!PIRATE PRINCESS PICKLE BUNNY!PIRATE PRINCESS PICKLE BUNNY!

This, of course, comes from the wonderfully strange mind of Spocky...and yet, I can see actually do this to some poor passed-out bastard were he given the opportunity, lol. - Tooks ;-)

Marty Learns Fashion Conclusion: The Total Package

2006-03-24T15:49:00.000-05:00

Marty: ...Okay, how about this? Fashionista: THAT'S IT!!! That's the Rock Star look!!!!

Marty: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful...And please pour you beer in a plastic cup. Hahaha!

I don't know where that last pic came from, but thanks for taking it whoever you are. Thanks also to Crazy4Marty for this great idea! Hope ya'll liked it! - Tooks ;-)

Marty Learns Fashion Part 4: The Importance of the Hat

2006-03-24T13:44:00.000-05:00

Fashionista: Remember, Marty, hat's are key. Without a good hat to set you apart from the rest you'll never reach Rock Star status. Marty: I like this one...I think this one works for me.

Fashionista: That it does!

A Few Days Later...

JD: Hey, Marty! You like my hat?

Marty: The fucker stole my hat! I KEEL YOU!!!!!!!!!

Fashionista: Boys! Boys!!! :thinks: ...Maybe the hat thing was the wrong way to go..."

Again, sorry this got so long...Only got one more of these to go and then one to other PicFics! - Tooks ;-)

Marty Learns Fashion Part 3: Assessories

2006-03-15T18:33:00.000-05:00

Marty: Do these make my ass look... like I have an ass?

Fashionista: Yes, yes...you're progressing quite nicely...now for accessories.

Marty: Really? I should accessorize?

Fashionista: It's a must!

Marty: Hey, Andrew, did you know that, as a rock star, you need to accessories?

Andrew: Says who?

Marty: Fashionista!

Andrew: ....Who the bloody hell is "Fashionista"?

-- Sorry this took so long to get up, hope people still care. Note: The title "Assessories" is not a typo...just combining the ass with the accessories! - Tooks ;-)

Marty Learns Fashion Part 2: Make-up

2006-03-12T13:49:00.000-05:00

Marty: Oh, wow, this is so gay.

Fashionista: Don't move or I'll poke you in the eye.

Marty: The guys back in Chicago are gonna kick my ass....OUCH!

Fashionista: What did I tell you?

Marty: That if I moved you'd poke me in the eye.

Fashionista: And what happened?

Marty: ...I moved and...and you poked me in the eye.

Fashionista: So what did we learn from this little mishap?

Marty: Not to move while putting on make-up.

Fashionista: And what did we learn about make-up? :gives Marty a mirror:

Marty: :looks at self: That black khol eyeliner really brings out the blue in my eyes! I mean, wow, that's fucking amazing!!!

Marty Learns Fashion Part 1: In The Beginning...

2006-03-11T17:33:00.000-05:00

In the beginning... Marty: What do you mean this outfit isn't "rock star"?

Fashionista: There's no statement behind it.

Marty: Sure there is, it says, "I'm Marty and I'm comfy."

Fashionista: No, it says, "I'm Marty and I'm a mountain man".

Marty: Mountain man? No way! Ah, what do you know? Fashion doesn't even really matter in showbusiness in the long run.

Fashionist: Okay, it's clear you've got a lot to learn...

So...this is gonna be a series and all pics in the series were suggested by Crazy4Marty...she gave me an outline of the idea and I'm just running with it! Tooks ;-)

Moonlite's Commercial

2006-03-11T12:06:00.000-05:00

Now open for Business ...
It serves all your Lovehammers needs...From knit hats and guitar strings to black duct tape...Billy: Come Visit Us NOW!!!

Moonlite says this store really exists and can be found in Minneapolis...anyone up for a road trip? Thanks Moonlite!!! - Tooks ;-)

Marty's On Fire! - By Bright

2006-03-11T12:02:00.000-05:00

Marty: DAMN!!! I'm sooo HOT that I'm on FIRE all the time!

As ya'll can see the lovely and talented Blend Artist from the LH boards, Bright, as decided to grace us with her first PicFic! Thanks Bright!!! - Tooks ;-)

Dino's Confusion!? Or Smartassieness?! - By Spocky

2006-03-10T14:56:00.000-05:00

Random Person: DINO YOU KICK ASS!! Dino: I do?! Uh ok... :runs off:

Dino: Uh, like this?

Donkey: Uh, what is he going to do with that foot?!

Thanks again Spocky for the insanity!!! Tooks ;-)

Domino's Pantie PicFic

2006-03-08T22:09:00.000-05:00

Marty: Dude, check it out. The ladies are lovin' you!

Dino: I know man! This kicks ASS!

Marty: Too bad you have a girlfriend and can't partake on all that love.

Dino: I know man. Such a shame. But I gotta respect my girl.

Marty: Then I guess you won't be needing these panties that were thrown at you?

Dino: :sighs: Nah man. You can keep 'em.

Bobby: Did somebody say panties?

This was all Domino's! Give her some lovin'...pantie-throwin' or otherwise! Tooks ;-)

Marty's Flexibility - By Spocky

2006-03-08T19:42:00.000-05:00

Please beware this is Spocky at the height of her insanity...

Random Reporter: So, Marty. what else did you do when you were on rockstar INXS?

Marty: I took yoga.

Dino: Yeah, sure... prove it.

Marty: Okay, you asked for it.

(Warning: Not for people that are queezy!)

Dino: OH MY GOD! WHAT THE?! IS THAT? HOW? WHAT?! IS THAT EVEN HUMANLY POSSIBLE?!

Marty (voice muffled): Well, I can do it so apparently it is.

What did I tell you? ...Umm...thanks Spocky! Tooks ;-)

--- Marty, if you happen to read this one and we ever meet again, I give you full permission to smack me upside the head.)

3 Tour Shorts

2006-03-07T00:36:00.000-05:00

Female Fan: Can you sign these?

Dino: My pleasure.

Bobby: :sings: I see a nipple, I see a nipple!

Billy: Oh, yeah, that's real mature.... :to photographer: You see the kinda shit I deal with on a daily basis?

Dino: What the hell is that?

Marty: I don't know...it's kinda pretty though...

Dino: Oh my god! Did it just move?!?

Old Guy: Gotta new shipment of stuff!

Jeremy: Candy?!?

Old Guy: No, merchandise.

Jeremy: Oh...

Old Man: ...You alright there, sonny?

Jeremy: Yeah...I was just really hopin' for some candy that's all.

Thanks DG for the first pic, MC.org for the 2nd (I lifted it), and whoever took the 3rd for the 3rd! Tooks ;-)

Advice For the Future

2006-03-04T22:58:00.000-05:00

Here are some advice for future tours...

For Marty: These pants look very nice on you and are greatly enjoyed by your female fans...wear them more often! - Just make sure you don't get them wet while going commando...or, you know, do (I know I wouldn't mind them getting see through.)

For Bobby: Enter and exit every room in exactly this manner...I assure you that the number of breasts you will be asked to sign will continue to rise.

For Billy: Continue to moon those on tour with you - it'll liven things up....Just don't forget to show the audience a bita skin too. Yeah baby! Shake that ass me for me, shake that ass for me!

For Dino: Keep making faces such as this while playing...mostly cause when people catch pictures of you doing it I get more options for PicFics.

For Gary: Don't ever do this to your hair ever again! I love ya, man, but you look retarded...don't you know that perioxide shit can fuck with your head?

For JD: No more blowing, licking, or otherwise molesting your mic. Seriously, you're just trying too hard to be sexy...either that or you think you're tour's a few month long audition for the porno you'll no doubt be doing if you loose you're gig as the lead singer of INXS.

'Kay, think that's it for the moment! Take care and heed my advice...it's for the best!

Note: Thank you Lovehammers-Lover/Lisa for allowing me to use the Bobby pic (her name is credited on the pic itself, but it's too small to see). Tooks ;-)

You Know You've Been Touring for Too Long When...

2006-03-03T13:07:00.000-05:00

...You find your guitarist such a little sexier than you should as a straight dude.

...You're blinded by camera flashes so much you now hafta wear sunglasses indoors.

...You don't have any free time to smoke, and so must do it while playing on-stage.

...You're can literally play with your eyes closed.

...You start making funny faces during performances just to see if anyone notices.

...When ya just wanna go home!

Thank you Marty, Bobby, Dino, and Billy for all the great shows and fond memories on this tour...We love you guys...Hope we can all do this again real soon!

Lotsa love, Tooks ;-)

Jet Requests, Marty Destracts

2006-03-02T16:32:00.000-05:00

Jet: Hey Tooks...here's one I'd love to see in a pic fic!Tooks: I'll see what I can do for ya! :winks: ...Hmmm, what can I do with this?...

Marty: Do you think anyone noticed there was no actual PicFic?

Tooks: Not a chance, babe...Thanks!

Marty Wants to Play

2006-03-01T21:52:00.000-05:00

Marty: Hey, lady, how you doin'?

Lady: :laughs: I'm doin' just fine.

Marty: ...You wanna play?

Lady: Depends on what the game is....

Marty: Come on, lady, come and play...

Marty: :thinks: This is the best hide-and-seek spot ever! She'll never find me here!

Okay, honestly, how did ya'll think this was gonna end? With Marty half-naked and sweaty on the floor?

Of course not! I promised Marty I'd never leak those pictures... ;-)

Lovehammers Play Baseball - By Spocky

2006-03-01T20:59:00.000-05:00

Here is LH playing some baseball .... Billy is scared of his batt and Marty seems confused... Bobby wacked Dino in the eyeball with his batt and now Dino is going to kill Bobby.

All Spocky's...the picture, the description, the insanity and I'm loving every minute of it, aren't you? ;-)

Spocky's Tales of Dino's Fears

2006-03-01T20:51:00.000-05:00

Here's a two-for-one by Spocky! Don't ask...just enjoy! ;-)

Dino's Fear #2: Clowns...Muah ha ha!

Dino: HOW CAN A CLOWN BE THAT SMALL!?!?!?!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! > _ < !

Dino's Fear #3: The fear of.... himself?

Dino1: What the fuck is going on!?

Dino2: Your eyeball is big dude....

Commericals in Lovehammer Land

2006-02-28T00:42:00.000-05:00

By Ayesa86:

Double Your Pleasure! Double Your Fun!

With DoubleMint Gum MotherFuckers!!!Dino & Bobby Kourelis

Audition Number 75943875349857

Doublemint Twins Commercial

By BeachBaby/Henry:

Hey, guys, don't you hate when you come off the stage and your hair just isn't looking its best? Do what I do and try Verbal Essence Shampoo. Makes your hair clean, soft, and all the ladies will love to run their fingers through it. When you're done, take a swig - it does wonders for the vocal cords too. Take it from me, Marty Casey, and try Verbal Essence today!

By Tooks (Me):

When I want my hair flowing soft and smooth for that big concert I use the new Marty Essense, now with Lovehammer Lift...Bursting With Body.

(Note: "Bursting with Body" is actually the tag-line for Herbal Essense's new product line, Citrus Lift)

-- Thanks to Ayesa for letting me use this Ayesa86, and I hope you're not pissed I'm using yours Henry - I found it on the old LH board and it fit so perfectly I had to have it!

Trees Video - by MoonliteMelody

2006-02-27T23:05:00.000-05:00

Dino: Kill me now.

Bobby: Oh look, the ball is bouncing!

Marty: What the fuck did I do to deserve this?

Billy: :singing happily: I don't wanna ...

The pic and dialouge is MoonliteMelody's - I made some slight changes to Marty's comment, but that is all. Give her some love!

Dino Discovers He Has Magical Powers - By Spocky

2006-02-26T19:52:00.000-05:00

JD: Ha ha ha! Look at my ass crack!

Dino: Dude...I hope you turn into a dragon with worms.

*POOF*

JDragon: Damn it all!!!

Dino: Uh, what just happened?

T-Bone: What's with the dragon with worms?

Dino; Uh, I don't know...T-bone.

*POOF*

Dino slowly backs away

Again, all Spocky's genius...show her some love folks!!!

The Tour So Far for Marty

2006-02-26T17:33:00.000-05:00

Marty: Oh, Dinoooo, look what I got! PANTIES!!!

Dino: Ha ha...Dude, you are such a loser.

Ladies: :chant: Take them off! Take them off! Take them off!!

Marty: Woah, woah....ladies, show some restraint, for the love of gawd!!!

Marty: I fucking love this tour!!! It kicks ass like no other!!! La la la!!!

Bill: Dude, did Marty get laid last night?

Bobby: I have no clue...but I hope that whatever happened to him happens to me real soon.

Dino's Incredible Fear of Flying Muffins - By Spocky

2006-02-26T15:18:00.000-05:00

Dino: OH FUCK ITS A FLYING MUFFIN! GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEE!

Again, this all Spocky! Give her a hand ladies and gents! (Once a key picture is fixed I'll be posting another one of her wonderfully weird PicFics!)

JD's Ear Fetish - by Spocky

2006-02-26T00:31:00.000-05:00

JD: :thinks: I LIKE TO SMELL PEOPLES EARWAX! WHOA! HIS EAR SMELLS LIKE PEANUT BUTTER! :brain activity shuts down:

Dave: :thinks: Play dead...maybe it will get bored after a while.

This is all Spocky's! She gave me permission to post it so let's all thank her for the hilarious insanity! ;-)

Breast Wishes for Ted

2006-02-25T10:29:00.000-05:00

Ted: Okay, everyone, listen up! No personal photos, one CD is to be signed per person, and there's alotta people so please don't hold the line up for everyone else, okay?

Fans: Aaaaaaawwwwwwww!

Ted: Also, no jumping the line, no jumping the rope, no jumping the Lovehammers! :thinks: please let this go off without a hitch or a punch to my face

Hot Chick: OH MY GAWD I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!! Will you please sign these? :pulls down shirt:

Ted: :thinks: Oh good lord.

After Meet & Greet:

Ted: :starts giggling:

Marty: Ted, dude, are you okay?

Ted: :giggling: Did...did you...

Marty: Did I what?

Ted: :whispers: Did you see the breasts on that one lady? I mean...my gawd, were they even real?

Lovehammers: :burst into laughter:

Marty: Yeah, man, we did.

Bobby: And yeah, they were real.

Billy: And congrats, dude, you're officially one of us.

Dino: Haha...did you see those breasts? How could you not? HAHAHA!!!

-- This was written in honor of Ted. Yeah, he can be a hard ass, but he's got a tough job...Hope you got alotta sneak peaks at some fabulous breasts while on tour, man! -- Tooks ;-)

Greeting the Chicago Way - A Slightly Morbid PicFic by A86

2006-02-23T22:36:00.000-05:00

The last night at the mansion...

JD: Hey guys, this is our last night, so can I ask you something?

MiG: Sure JD.

JD: Will you guys go to the ends of th--

Marty & MiG: NO!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night...

JD: Hey MiG...

MiG: What is it?

JD: Why is Marty always flipping me the bird? He does that a lot...

MiG (frowns): You mean he didn't tell you?

JD (gets excited): Didn't tell me what MiG?

MiG: He's not flipping you off! That's the traditional Chicagoan form of greeting!

JD (big eyes): Really??

MiG (feigning seriousness): Oh yes. You should definitely try it next time you're over there.

JD: Thanks MiG!^^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week later...

Newscaster: Yesterday, Mr. JD Fortune, the new lead singer of INXS was brutally murdered by an enraged mob in the streets of Chicago.

Marty: Damn...what did he do?

Newscaster: Eye witnesses claim that Mr. Fortune was flipping off everyone he saw while grinning merrily. As he was engulfed by the mob, he reportedly screamed "I was just saying hello!!!!"

MiG: Oh...crap...

Marty: What?

MiG: I didn't think he would believe me...

Marty: MiG? What did you tell him?

MiG: I told him that you flipping the bird was the customary Chicagoan greeting. I didn't think he would actually DO it!

Marty: Dammit MiG! You KNOW how gullible that boy is! Now what?

MiG: I dunno. Orange?

Marty: Sure.

Newscaster: That was the elebben o'clock news. Good night.

(MiG & Marty both freeze and stare at the TV set in horror)

Marty: Did that just say what I think it did?

MiG: Couldn't have...

Both: Nah…

This was done entirely by Ayesa86 on the Mc.org board and she was gracious enough to give me permission to post it here...Give her some love guys!!! Tooks ;-)

Testing, testing! F-YOU!

2006-02-23T14:19:00.000-05:00

Having some gliches...just trying something...
Come on, you muthafucka...WORK!!!!

Sound Check Sick - Domino's First PicFic!

2006-02-22T20:11:00.000-05:00

Guys, we gotta do a sound check again.

Aw man! What now?

Get this. JD got sick all over the electrical system. SHorted everything!

Ah haha! Freakin' loser.

*moans* Man, I shouldn't have eaten all those shrimp. *gurgle*

This was supplied entirely by Domino...only the title is mine ;-)

Thanks Domino! I love it!!! -- Hope ya do some more for me!

Random Crazy(4Marty)ness

2006-02-20T22:33:00.000-05:00

Marty: Really? Ladies? Back-stage? For me?

JD: Yeah.

Marty: Not for you? ...But for me?

JD: ...Yeah :whispers: Ya lousy son of a...

Marty: I gotta check this out!

Marty: WOW! Look at all of them!

JD: Yeah, yeah, yeah... :begins to hatch devious plot:

Marty: Ahhh! JD, what fuck are you doin'?

JD: Hey, look everyone, Marty's gay!!! Hey, all you chicks, Marty's gay...now ya hafta sleep with me instead!!!

Ladies: Naaaah....

Lady #1: Actually you're the one that looks gay, Marty just looks terrified!

JD: Son of a bitch!

Later Marty retells the harrowing tale to some eager fans...

Marty: Then JD grabbed me with this crazed look in his eyes...I really though he was gonna start frenchin' me!

Fan #1: Did he have that marker in his hand?

Marty: What? Oh, no, but I'm gonna sign this after the story.

Fan #1: Ooooh...can I have it?

Marty: Sure!

This PicFic was based of a series of pictures Crazy4Marty posted for me at the PicFics thread at the lovehammers.com board - feel free to do the same!

The Tour So Far for Dino K

2006-02-18T11:24:00.000-05:00

Dino: :thinks: Just one more song and I can go take a piss....

Audience: Encore encore!!!

Dino: :thinks: Oh, for fuck's sake!!!

Bobby: Oh my gawd, man, what the fuck are you doin'?

Dino: What? I'm drinking.

Bobby: From JD's cup!

Dino: :spits: Aw, nasty!!! JDork cooties!!!

Bobby: Man, this is just not your month.
Dino: :thinks: Note to self: Self, do not drink a bottle of Jack Daniels' worth of Jack & Cokes the night before a promo-gig.

Hobbit Hair Montage - by AngelShadow

2006-02-18T00:41:00.000-05:00

Ok I was thinking about doing this for a while and I was cracking up all day about it too. Here it is Ladies and Gentlemen The Hobbit Hair Montage:

First lets take a look at some Hobbit Hairstyles shall we? (too bad if you said no I'm gonna do it anyways)
Now for the Billy comparison:
More Hobbits:
More Billy:
Perigrin Took:
Billy Sawilchik:
And Finally The picture that started it alll: Presenting Mr. Will E. Longrod
And the Hobbit comarison:

To conclude this post I would like to say I hope you had a laugh. No I am not saying that Billy is a Hobbit but It is amusing how much he seems to look like one at times. Though he does seem to have that mischievousness that Hobbits always have.

Also Billy, dont take offence to this it was done out of love and the fact that it is so cute. Dont cut your hair You are absolutely Perfect the way you are!!!

The Tour So Far For Billy S

2006-02-16T00:05:00.000-05:00

This one goes out to AngelShadow...cause she requested it, it came early (or right on time, lol)!

Billy: I've got your pen, I've got your pen.

Marty: Dude, they're fans, not puppy dogs.

JD: Hey, give that back!!! Waaaahhh!!!!

Marty: Oh, never mind... :chuckles:

Billy: :thinks: Damn it Marty, I know the ladies love the low-riders, but there's a limit of how much of your ass I can take per show!

Billy: Oh! Panties!

AngelShadow: I LOVE YOU BILLY!!!!!!

Billy: I love you too, baby!

The Tour So Far For Bobby K

2006-02-14T23:01:00.000-05:00

So, I figured I'd give each Lovehammer guy there own spotlight for awhile...This is Bobby's experiences! (As I imagine them, of course, lol.)

Bobby: :thinking: Ooooh....hot chick, HOT CHICK!!! Please have her let me sign her boobs, please let me have her sign her boobs!!!

Hot Chick: OH MY GAWD I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!! Will you please sign these? :pulls down shirt:

Bobby: Sure. :thinks: Thank you!

Bobby: Heh heh...heh heh. Man, I am so high right now, I have no idea what's goin on...

Billy: What the hell'd you do man?

Bobby: I was just breathing in the fumes from this bag...I think there was a busted freon can in it or something...heh heh

Billy: Oh, for fuck' sake!

Bobby: Well, hellooooo ladies!

Ladies: Ahhhhhhh ah ah ahhhhhhhh!!!! :show their breasts and offer him "the night of his life":

Bobby: :thinking: Gawd I love this tour!

-- Most, if not all of these pics have been used with the permission of their taker, Jezza (from the LH board)...I'm not sure about the last one 'cause I've had it for so long; if it's yours and you don't want me to use it please let me know. -- Tooks!

From the Dazed Recollection of the Tour

2006-02-08T23:52:00.000-05:00

Dino: Thank gawd those security guys didn't find all those tiny liquor bottles in their search for drugs, huh guys?

Billy: Dude, I really don't think they'd have cared about the liquor.

Marty: :laughing: Does this mean I'm married to the Sisterhood? Hey, this is still warm! Oooh that is so fuckin' hot!

Billy: Holy shit, Marty, what the fuck is that?!?

Marty: That's a camera...Christ, man, how much have you been drinkin'?

Bobby: Heh heh, hey look...I'm playing a drumstick like a flute!

Dino: Dude, there's no sound coming outta that.

Bobby: Well, duh, I'm miming it!

Ladies: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marty: Ladies, this isn't a sex show!

Tooks: Oh, but it'd be great if it turned into one at Boston's The Wang! Boys, it'll be my 23rd birthday 2 weeks from the day of the concert...how would you like to make me the happiest 23 year old in the world? ; - )

Letter Home...

2006-01-27T00:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Mom,

The tour is going really really well so far...we've been incredibly busy.

But thankfully the guys have been relatively mature and have refraned from playing pranks on each other.(Dino: :amid suppressed laughter: Yeah, Marty, your hair looks killer...that ballon Billy rubbed on your head had no effect whatsoever.)

And, despite a rocky start they've been getting along really well with JD and all the INXS guys.

(JD: :thinks: Can't take them anymore...)

The fans have been great, I'm really shocked at the shear amount of people that know and dig us in every city!

Bobby really seems to be enjoying the female fans most of all!

I hope to write to you again soon, Mom...like I said, very busy.

Give my love to everyone back home...the guys ask that you do the same for them!!! See you again soon!

Your Son,

Marty Casey

JD Be Trippin' !

2006-01-24T00:41:00.000-05:00

JD: Do do do...Come on, Marty, come on...Just a few more steps and the tour'll be mine, all mine!

Marty: Does he honestly think I'm not gonna see him sittin' there? That I can't simply step around his foot? :sighs: Well...I guess I could pretend...

Marty: Owww...owwww...I tripped!!! Ow, I think my leg is broken...how will I ever go on?!?

JD: Success!!!

JD: I did it! I did it!

Gary: Wow, I didn't think you had it in you.

Tim: Good job, JD! Now we won't have to worry about Marty and the rest of his band showing us up at every concert!

Gary: ...Ah, crap!

Tim: What?

Gary: Look!

Marty: Are you mothafuckas ready to rock!?!

Crowd: Woooooooooohoooooooooooo!

Marty: Uuuuuuuuultrasound....

Crowd: :random clapping and screams of joy:

JD: Goddamnit!!!