Learnin' Rockin' From MiG

Be nice...be really nice....be really really nice. Be so nice that people can't help but vote for you because you're so fucking nice. Be so fucking nice that you're practically a saint. But always make sure that, if you take this route, you're actually nice cause if you're not and people find out, you're fucked (JD). -- PS: Did any one else notice that Marty's head casts a shadow over MiG's crotch? No? Well I bet you'll notice now. Haha!

After an exceptionally intense performance be sure to collapse. This will show how you will, literally, "knock yourself out" for your new band. Oh, and your lying on your back which, if attractive like MiG, will totally get you the opposite sex and gay vote. The downside, however, is if you overuse this technique and if you're small framed like MiG, you start looking like a weakling which ain't good at winning points with those "hard-core" rockers sitting in the cushy judging area. Unless you're a chick, cause everytime you fall all the all male judges will think is, "I wonder if she'd mind if we went down and dry-humped her...I think we should hire her and then say it's part of the contract" - so it'll work out pretty well, just remember that if you get the gig you'll probably hafta fuck Tommy Lee and he's not the safest sex-partner in the world - anyone who steers his boat with is dick has got issues and a not too clean wiener, man. -- PS: No, I didn't see the Tommy/Pam sex tape, I avoided it - but they showed the "hey, look, I can steer a boat with my dick!" bit on TV once...thankfully said magical dick was cut from the shot.

Be adorable. Not the Suzie "she seems sweet when not crying or insulting other contestants voices" adorable, but the "puppy, kitty, smiling baby" adorable. Once you've established this "I'm stuffed with cotton candy" personality you can pretty much get away with anything and still get thousands upon thousands of votes. I mean, who doesn't like cotton candy? Just remember, if you're a dude, you're heading into gay territory so if you're straight get yourself a regular fuck-friend...MiG had his wife and after pratically dry-humping her on that bench in front of the cameras he dispelled much of the gay rumors - good for him

Strip! Good option for guys and gals as it follows the equation of Hot Body - Clothes = Votes. Also, it shows a slightly wilder side after all that niceness which is an important thing as a rocker...especially with these new judges. You see, as a guy with all this sweetness you've been exuding while following the other MiG tips, Mr. Lee, Mr. Newstead, and Mr. (apparently you were in G 'n' R) Clarke might think you're a little uncool. Well, they'll probably call ya a " lame-o gayass" or something, but what they mean is you're uncool...removing your shirt shows you're not afraid to get a little crazy and getting the chicks to scream like banshees as you remove said shirt proves that you've got girls that wanna bang ya (guys seem to respect guys who can get chicks to wanna bang them). As a chick, showing your tits proves you're not a prude and, well, guys - especially rocker guys - like tits so you'll get major props for showin' the twins. So go ahead, remove those clothes faster than Cherry the Stripper on center-stage. -- PS: Before you ask, never actually been to a strip club; I'm not opposed to them, it's just no one's ever wanted to go with me to one and I feel sorta weird going alone.


When in doubt, split your pants. (Whaddya mean you don't get it? Look at MiG's knee, idiot!) It's the perfect mix of The Collapse, which shows your dedication to winning, and The Strip, which shows skin. This isn't a suggested technique for every performance cause then you're just the jackass who can't find pants that fit and it takes a shitload of energy to rock so hard you tear you pants (and no where near the seam no less). Oh, and if you do this every time you "rock", you'll run outta clothes faster than......I got nuthin', let's just say you'll be outta clothes really really fast.

Look like a mythical creature. Be it elf, fairy, or vampire as long as it's a pretty mythical creature it's all good. You see, people instinctually like mythical creatures and want them to - nay, know they must - succeed, so if you look like one people will vote accordingly. But again, I must stress only the pretty ones....if you look like, say, a caveman (Brandon), you will get no love. Also, looking like a mythical creature seems to give you special rocker powers like the ability to control hordes of people using just one hand (Marty) and holding a note for an obscenely long time (MiG) which is always nice. -- PS: I could not tell you how disturbing I find this MiG picture...it's like a Ken Doll's trying to molest me through a picture. Of coure, I'll tell him to stop and, cause he's "Miggy" he'll comply and walk off all sad so I'll start to feel a little bad and tell him, "fine, but just a single grope to the chest" which'll make him all happy and as his tiny, cold plastic hand touches my skin I'll hafta try to think of someting nicer - I'l think of Marty. Fuck! I just went to a really weird place, didn't I? Yeah, see, this picture is evil. EVIL!!!

Okay folks, I'm going in the oposite order that they were voted off so next time we meet it'll be Marty time! - Tooks ;-)